Ashes
by Roxal
Summary: Do you think I'm a bad person, Roxas? Warnings: None. Status: Oneshot. [Axel & Roxas Friendship]


It was snowing. Or, more accurately, it _looked_ like it was snowing; Roxas knew perfectly well that if he caught one of the white flakes on his tongue he would receive not the pleasant sensation of melting ice but the bitter taste of ash.

The landscape was barren, and in a way he felt perfectly at home. His black cloak blended perfectly with the charred remnants of fallen beams and broken furniture in what had been one of the only wooden buildings in the city. The contrast of black soot and white ash was so stark that for a moment he thought all color had left to world until he saw the flash of red. A solitary flame stood out, still burning brightly even though all fuel was gone; strong, resilient and beautiful—until black fingers ran over a tired face and into the flame-red hair, snuffing it.

Roxas picked his way carefully over piles of kindling and through puddles of soot until he stood feet from the other male. "Axel?"

Axel's head snapped up immediately, eyes burning brightly and grin almost imperceptibly challenging. "Hey, kiddo," he said cheerily, "how've you been?"

"Fine," the boy answered flatly, his gaze scrutinizing. "How are you?" he countered.

"Fine," he replied, almost mocking but not letting it go that far. Roxas frowned.

"You don't look fine."

Axel snorted, averting his eyes. His smile was gone. "I am," he affirmed.

"Axel," Roxas said with a tone one might take with a misbehaving two-year-old, "you just burnt a building to the ground."

"Not to the ground!" Axel responded easily, slipping back into the false cheeriness. "The support beams are still up," he grinned, patting one of the blackened logs. It creaked menacingly back at him. "Ok, not doing that again," he mumbled.

"Why?" Roxas said simply.

"Well, you see, if I do, then this whole building might come crashing down-"

"No," Roxas cut him off, "why did you burn the building down?"

"Oh," Axel shrugged, grin challenging again, "'cause I felt like it."

Roxas scowled at him. "What's wrong, Axel?" he asked, not letting the older Nobody distract him.

Axel let his gaze wander, holding out a hand to catch a few drifting ashes. "It looks like snow, doesn't it?" he said, unbothered.

Roxas rolled his eyes, sighing. "Don't try to change the subject," he said, crossing his arms, but Axel continued as though Roxas had said nothing.

"But it's not ice; it's ash." Axel narrowed his eyes at the blonde, glinting sharply in the fragile sunlight.

"Axel…" Roxas trailed, uncrossing his arms. Axel laughed softly, studying his hand as he smudged the ashes between his fingers. When he looked back at Roxas, his eyes were positively dangerous.

"Do you think I'm a bad person, Roxas?"

His smile was mirthless, cold and empty, gaining some sort of odd validation from Roxas' extended silence. When no answer seemed forthcoming, he continued. "Do you trust me?"

There was another period of silence; tension strung between the two like a line. Axel's green eyes began to burn brighter and he opened his mouth to speak again when Roxas cut him off for the second time.

"With my life," the boy answered, his own blue eyes staring just as hard back at him. Axel's eyes widened fractionally, and then he blinked, snorting again as he broke the intense gaze.

After a short while, Axel looked up at the blonde from under his brows, expression blank. "I don't like your choice of words."

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked, curious.

"'With my life,'" he quoted back to him, eyes shifting to something between anger and boredom. "You shouldn't. You know that if you ever betrayed us, I'd have to destroy you," he said with as much emotion as if he had been commenting on the weather.

"Just as I would have to do to you," the blonde replied, taking a step closer to the seated redhead.

Axel closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "Would you?"

Roxas shook his head. "No. I have no loyalties to the Organization and thus no reason to follow their rules," he stated, stepping closer still and touching one of the redhead's hands with his fingertips. Axel stood abruptly, pulling himself away from the boy's touch.

"Don't say things like that to me!" He shouted, staring at the younger Nobody with wide eyes.

"Axel," Roxas started, but was silenced by the frantic man.

"I _killed_ someone!" he cried desperately. "I killed _Vexen_ because he turned traitor!" He looked like a cornered animal, all but cowering into a burnt-out corner of what used to be a room. Roxas studied him silently, an ache forming somewhere in his chest.

"You did what you thought was right," he said solemnly, blue eyes hard and cold to Axel's wild green.

Axel's brows knitted, and then he laughed, loud and shaky; the laugh of a madman. "That's just it," he said, smirk pulling at his lips again, "_do_ I think it's right? I don't even know anymore…." He let his gaze drift over the ground, actually surveying his own chaos for the first time. He winced.

"Axel," Roxas said calmly, "where have you been?"

Axel sighed. "Away," he responded simply, not meeting his gaze.

"Still just 'away,' huh?" he said softly. "Why won't you tell me?"

"I've told you," he bit out, eyes flashing, "I can't, Roxas. I _can't_."

"Why not?" he asked defiantly, drawing closer. "Because they won't let you or because you don't want to?"

Axel hesitated before saying "both."

"That's why I trust you," Roxas smiled at him briefly before putting a gloved hand on either side of the elder's face. Axel stiffened but did not resist. "If you had to kill me—if you were given the orders straight from the Superior himself—you wouldn't be able to. Not because I'm stronger than you or anything like that; you just wouldn't be able to."

Axel frowned slightly, studying the boy's face. "Would you be able to kill me?" he asked.

Roxas smiled softly again. "I wouldn't even try. Like I said, I have no loyalties-" He was silenced by Axel's fingers roughly covering his mouth as he shushed him.

"Don't say things like that," he whispered eyes pleading. Roxas removed the obstructing hand with his own. Black ashes left a trail on his face. Axel blinked at him. When he opened his eyes, the flame in them had been extinguished, and he looked somehow defeated. "Just go, Roxas," he said quietly. "Go."

Roxas studied his face, but the older Nobody refused to look at him. After a moment, he released his hold on the other's face, turned around, and left.

When Axel went back to his room that night, he found a trail of black ashes on the white marble extending under the door.

* * *

This was originally going to be titled "Spark". Funny old world, isn't it? I am never writing without a set ending in mind ever again. I like the imagery in this one, tho. Review?  



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